Mummy guilt. Mother’s guilt. At some point we all suffer with it. The overwhelming feeling of guilt. We make a choice that makes us feel we are being selfish. It feels like it’s the best decision, but instantly think of the impact it will have on our children. Is it something that we will ever overcome? I’ve only been a mother for two years but I guarantee it won’t be something that ever goes away.
I’m writing this after again experiencing the familiar pangs of guilt because I’ve increased my daughter’s nursery sessions. She loves nursery. It gives me time to crack on with work so when she is here, I can focus on her but I also then get to have some time to myself too. So how can you deal with mummy guilt?
Remember your why
Reminding yourself why you have made this decision. What is the bigger picture and what does it mean to you? For me, a large reason for starting my business was to work around my daughter. To be here for her when she needs me. To be able to watch her grow up first hand. But I also wanted to provide for her. I want to be able to afford to take her to classes, for days out, to buy her things whenever I want. Remembering the reasons you started will reaffirm the tough decisions you have to make along the way.
I am a massive control freak. I have to be in the driver’s seat but every now and then I have to remember to achieve my goals and live the life I want, I can’t do it all. I have to ask for help. I can’t physically do everything myself, as much as I wish I could. I love being a mum, but I also love working. I love spending time with my horse but I’ve made a lot of sacrifices because being a mum comes first. But I can have it all by getting the right balance. And that unfortunately is where the mummy guilt will kick in.
This connects entirely with remembering your big why and seeing the bigger picture. Think of the positives the decision will have on you and your family. For me, I’m sacrificing an extra few hours a week of time with my daughter. But this means that I will get time back not only for me, but means I’m not juggling as much when she is here. When she is home, she then has my fully undivided attention. I won’t be distracted or thinking about a call I need to make or an email I need to send. I will be in the moment making memories.
A little guilt is healthy
It makes us human. It shows you care and reaffirms that you have totally made the right decision for your family. Sometimes we need to be a little selfish to achieve our life and family goals.
Think about you
Again another hard one for me but the functioning of my household and my business rests on my shoulders. So what happens if I’m tired, distracted, disheartened and run down? It impacts on my family and my business. Investing time in yourself and making decisions for you, ensuring they are about you is so important to the success and happiness of both.
Don’t stress about the small stuff
I’m stressing because my poor daughter is going to spend an extra few hours a week away from mummy and oh my god how will she cope?! She isn’t bothered. Today at nursery she ushered me out the room because I was taking too long to leave. She loves the toys, the games, the stories, the activities and making friends. She knows that mummy will be back later and we will have a day of fun again tomorrow.
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